An FLCL sequel I wrote over Christmas Break
by Dorrin
Summary: Haruko and Naota reach that perfect climax, and all is brought to completion. Rated PG13 for suggestive dialogue. PLEASE READ AND REVIEW! Chap. 5 Revised.
1. Fooly Disturbing

                                                     Cast in the name of God

                                                           Fooly Disturbing

        _Nothing interesting ever happens here in Mabase. It rarely has. Every day is_

_just__ as dull as the one before it, and it can get rather mind numbing. I take the same _

_route__ to school that I always have. It takes me over a bridge close to my house._

_Every time I walk down this bridge, I am reminded of a time, about three years ago now,_

_when__ my life changed forever. She came, and turned my world upside down. I STILL_

_don't__ quite understand everything that happened that year. Why did she come in the first _

_place__? What did she really want with me? And why, after all we went through, did she _

_just__ leave me without a second thought? I told her I loved her, did that mean anything?_

_For Awhile, it hurt to think about what happened but I've moved on. _

_After Haruko left, everything was still the same, yet something inside of me had _

_changed__. I've learned to be satisfied with life, and to appreciate it, because you never _

_know__ when things can go all Fooly Cooly again._

                                                      OPENING THEME   

          Naota was feeling unusually edgy as he began his school day, one fine

October day. He took an envelope out of his desk and looked at it again. It was a

letter from his brother. Tasuku had finally made to the Major Leagues, and was playing

for the Chicago Cubs. The envelope contained a picture of his brother with

Mamimi. They had gotten together in America a few years before, shortly after Tasuku's

American girlfriend had died in a mysterious fire.

They were planning to get married soon. Naota sighed, and began to

think about the last time he had seen Mamimi.

          _Now listen! My name is Naota; don't ever call me Takkun again!_

         _I've often wished I could change what happened that day. I know I_

_hurt__ Mamimi, and I've regretted it allot. If only I could see her again, I would_

_make__ it right._

          He sat at his desk and looked around the classroom. Ninamori took her

seat in front of him, talking to her new boyfriend. After Haruko had left, Naota and

Ninamori had actually dated for awhile. They had broken up several months before.

                       (Some needless back story, from my heart to yours)

            "Mars is the Fourth Planet away from the Sun. The Earth, being mostly

harmless, is the third planet from the sun!"

              Naota groaned, and leaned back in his chair as he listened to another

of his teacher's annoying lectures. It was just another boring day, like every

other one before it. The teacher was rambling on about the solar system,

and some of the explorers of the universe.

            "Some of the most famous explorers of the universe include Carl Sagan,

Copernicus, Captain Kirk, and Arthur Dent!"

             Suddenly, the excruciating boredom was interrupted by a strange sound

from outside. He turned and looked out the window, and what he saw made him

freeze in his seat. He could see steam billowing on the horizon, and it was coming

from the Medical Meccanica plant.

            _Medical Mechanica is acting up again; it hasn't done that since..._

_since__. It's been three years since the last time!! _

_The steam billows out of it, covering the town, like some kind of omen._

Ninamori was sitting in front of him, and she had suddenly taken on a very

serious expression.

            "Behold, the cloud of steam comes forth from the great iron, it heralds

her return" she said grimly.A pall of silence had fallen over the room, every face

was grim, and the lighthearted atmosphere gave way to an eerie ambience of dread.

                                                   CUT TO STUDIO

            EVA: "An eerie ambience of dread?" What the heck is that supposed to mean.

            NVA: I think it's some lame American writer's trick, that they use to create a

surreal atmosphere.

            EVA: Oh, like in that "dramatic anime"?

            NVA: Something like that, but this writer just isn't very good.

                                      (Just then, Haruko's voice actress pops in)

            HVA: Wait a minute! This dude's an American? I thought he was from

Nebraska!

                                        BACK TO ANIME FANFICTION

              The bell rang shortly after that, and Naota got up from his desk and

A thick fog was resting over Mabase, and he could barely see in front of him.

Naota walked home slowly, stopping several times to get his bearings in the mist. Every

step he took was uncertain, as he stumbled his way along.

                                      (Too many uses of the word "He").

             Soon, Naota arrived at his front door, and a sense of relief came over him.

"Finally, I'm home" he muttered to himself. His house was completely silent, except

for the ticking of the clock in the bakery.

             "Dad? Grandpa? Is anybody home?" He yelled.

Suddenly, an all to familiar voice pierced through the silence like a knife.

              "They're not here, Takkun."

Naota froze to the spot, unable to move "Wh-Who's there?" he said in a choking

voice. There was silence for a few moments, then he heard the voice say

"I'm Baaaack!" He recognized it now, it was Haruko's voice. Naota ran

upstairs to his bedroom and flung open the door, there was nobody there. He

dropped his school books on the floor, then flung himself down on the bed, and fell

asleep within minutes.

          "Naota-san, dinner's ready"

           Naota sat up and looked out the window. The fog had cleared, and he could

see the sun setting.

            "Hmm, I guess it was a dream" he muttered to himself. He got up and went

down to the dining room. What he saw while standing at the doorway froze him

on the spot. There was someone at the table who wasn't supposed to be there.

Haruko was back, wearing her housekeeper's outfit. She had a brand new Paul Reed

Smith bass slung over her shoulder.

                                            MANGA SCRIPT

Naota: AHHGH!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!??

Haruko: Hello my dear sweet Takkun, did you miss me?

Kamon: Oh Naota, I forgot to tell you this, but I let Haruko leave on lunch break,

she's back now, as you can see.

Naota: Lunch break? She's been gone for three years! How can that have been a

lunch break?

Haruko: Look Takkun, I could try to explain the whole "Space-Time continuum" concept

but you don't have a brain to understand it with. Just sit down and eat your curry.

                                               END MANGA SCRIPT

          Naota was furious, he turned around and ran back up to his room, grabbing

Haruko's old bass guitar from its stand. He then charged back down to the dining room,

intent on teaching Haruko a lesson right then and there (Stupid). Haruko's eyes brightened

up as they locked onto his.

                                              MANGA SCRIPT

Haruko (standing up in her chair): Oh, Takkun! You brought it back to me! I knew you

would when we met again! (Haruko springs forth from her chair, and lands squarely on top

of a screaming Naota).

Naota: AHHHGH! GET OFF OF ME!!!

Haruko: Mmmm! Delicious earthling. (Begins licking Naota's face)

Kamon: How shocking!! My own son Fooly Coolying with Haruko-san under my

own roof! Before my very eyes! (All this time, Haruko is wrestling around with Naota

on the floor, Naota is screaming and struggling uselessly).

Grandpa: Hey, She can do that with my head any day!!

Naota: HARUKO!!! STOP LICKING ME!!!! (Pushes Haruko back away from him,

but her tongue just grows longer. Continues Licking).

Kamon: Fooly Cooly all over the place! Naota you ought to be ashamed of yourself!

Naota: She's forcing me into it! It's not my ide...mmmgh! (Haruko sticks her tongue

in his mouth).

Kamon: That settles it, Grandpa, we'll have to take Haruko-san away from Naota.

Grandpa: I'm for it! Heh heh.

Haruko (Sitting up straight, while pinning Naota's face against the floor) Not

gonna happen mister! Takkun's coming with me.

Naota: No i'm not you psycho!! Get off of me! NOOOOO!!! (A strange growth begins

sprouting from Naota's forehead). Wha-What's happening!!

Haruko: Wow, it really does swell up and get stiff! (Begins rubbing the growth)

Kamon: What!! You would kidnap my son away to Fooly Cooly in your own lair?

How DARE you do such a thing!?

Haruko: Oh, c'mon! Takkun's a full fledged man now, I've been doing it with him

for years!!

Kamon: What!? What have you been doing with him?

Haruko: MOUTH TO MOUTH!!!! (As if no one saw THAT coming).

                                             END MANGA

            Naota finally managed to get free from Haruko's grip, he hurriedly went

and took his place at the table. He looked into the plate of steaming hot curry

in front of him. Grandpa had collapsed onto the table in a fit of choking,

"Water!!" he screamed in a raspy voice. Canti was sitting at his usual place, shoveling

down his curry. Naota turned away, and was about to get up and leave, when he

saw Haruko standing behind with her guitar, poised and ready to strike.

            "Eat your curry Takkun" she said in a sinister voice.

Naota turned back and gulped. He dug his spoon into the plate of curry,

and quickly shoved it into his mouth. Suddenly, Naota felt as if he had swallowed

a cup of molten lava. He gasped for breath.

           "I know you don't like spicy food, Takkun. So I got you the mild stuff

again."

             Naota convulsed, and sent the plate of curry flying everywhere. Where it

landed, flowers of unspeakable beauty sprang up, the birds sang a cheerful song,

and the world was reborn into a new age of peace. Sadly, Naota was unable to

appreciate the rebirth of the world, for he had passed out cold on the floor.

      (By the time Naota awakened, the world had reverted to its decadent ways.)            

             Naota slowly opened his eyes, and saw the bottom of his brother's bed

above him. His mouth still burned from the curry. He lay there for a few minutes,

gathering his thoughts. Why had Haruko come back after so long? What did she want

this time? Did Haruko have feelings for him?

             "She can't have feelings for me, all she's ever done is use me" he thought

bitterly.

Naota felt tense and uneasy as he pondered these questions.

The low, rumbling sound of Haruko's new bass guitar filled the air.

             "Haruko" he said slowly "why did you come back?"

             "I need you, Takkun" came the reply.

             Naota was puzzled, "Wha-Why do you need me?"

             "Your head is the only one that works" came the obvious response.

             "I should have known" he grumbled "you just want me so you can grow

weird robots out of my forehead, whatever. You'll just use me again, like you did

last time." He said abruptly. Naota felt uncertainty come over him. He remembered vividly

how Haruko had treated him the last time she had been there. There was a part of him

that hoped she would never come back. But now that she was back in his life, he felt

a strange sense of relief, and hope. (He was losing his brain again)

             Haruko leapt off of the top bunk, and crouched down next to Naota.

           "Takkun" she said slowly "you're the only one who can help me!"

           "Oh come on" Naota said defiantly "you don't mean that. To you I'm just

a primitive primate!"

             Haruko perked up "Primitive primate! Hostile Blind date!" She spun her

guitar around her, creating a wind that sent the contents of Naota's room flying.

When Naota looked up, Haruko was wearing the rabbit costume she had worn

in episode five of the last series.

              "And I'm a Playmate!" she triumphantly screamed.

            Naota got up and trudged toward the door, feeling quite sick to his

stomach. Suddenly, Haruko jerked him back into the room using her bass. Naota

was sent sprawling onto the floor, and Haruko was on top of him in an instant.

               "You know the two things playmates do, don't you Takkun?"

She asked with a twisted smile on her face.

                "Uhh...."

                "First we play" Haruko leaned so close to him that her rabbit ears

touched his head. "And then......" An intense fear gripped Naota, and he

began shaking uncontrollably. He developed a sudden and nasty facial tic.

Naota's father suddenly burst through the door, just as Haruko was getting ready

to lick him in the face again. Naota lost his head completely.

             "I'll never go with you, you lunatic!!!" he jumped up and ran for the door,

a blind panic had taken him. As he raced out his front door, and down the street he

heard Haruko's voice saying "Come to my world, Takkun. You WILL COME!!!

Heh heh heh!"

All Naota cared about now was escaping, and finding a place to hide. Just then, he

heard a sound that made his blood run cold, the sound of a Vespa engine starting.

He knew he would never escape her now, but kept running blindly as the Vespa

raced up behind him.

           "It's no use Takkun!! You will never escape!! BATTER UP!!!!"

Naota could feel the growth on his forehead getting heavier. He suddenly felt

himself being violently pulled off his feet. Haruko slammed him down on the seat

behind her. He was caught. Everything happened rather quickly after that, as Naota

gave in to his fate.

           Haruko took off in a flash, nearly making Naota fall off the back of her Vespa.

Naota held on as their speed continued to rise. He began praying to

every angel that he'd heard mentioned on Silent Mobius. (And a few that weren't)

           "Michael, Gabriel, Zittramaka!! Please help me"

           "What are you prattling on about Takkun?" Haruko asked.

            Just then, they hit a bump, and Naota was once again nearly thrown off the

Vespa. He clinged to it for dear life.

            "Takuma? Tingblad? Anybody?" He muttered.

            "Haruko, slow down!" he Gasped

            "I can't" she yelled back "we're not up to the magic speed yet!"

             "The Magic Speed?! You're gonna get us killed!"

          Naota watched as the speedometer continued to rise. 75, 76, 78, 80.

            "Haruko, you'll......"

            "Oh yeah, that's it baby, don't stop now we're almost there"

            Naota closed his eyes and readied himself to die.

            "EIGHTY EIGHT MILES PER HOUR!!!!! HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

            Haruko began swerving back and forth madly. Naota's life flashed before his

eyes, he could see himself lying in a bloody, lifeless heap on the asphalt. Haruko

standing over him with a sinister grin on her face. There was a crowd of people

watching in curiosity. Finally, a man in white robes approached Haruko and spoke.

           "You are the one that was prophesied, oh goddess! You come to us

from the stars, and bring death with you on your mighty Vespa."

            "Yeah, but only for Takkun!!!" Haruko replied cheerfully.

            Soon Naota awakened, and looked around. He could see that they were

flying.

            "Haruko, where are you taking me?!"

            "Into space, Takkun, to my ship"

            Naota was terrified.

            "You're taking me into outer SPACE!! I'M AN EARTHLING, I'LL DIE

OUT THERE!!!!"

            "You won't die Takkun, at least not yet"

            "BUT HOW WILL I BREATHE OUT THERE!? WHAT WILL I EAT?!  
  
THERE'S NO WAY I'LL SURVIVE GOING THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE!!"

           Haruko slowly turned and faced Naota.

"Takkun, it's just a show, you should really just relax"

                                                   ENDING THEME

          Well, it looks like our intrepid hero is beginning the greatest adventure of his life.

Perhaps this journey will give him an opportunity to answer life's most pressing questions.

Such as, What is Fooly Cooly anyway?

           Next time on Fooly Cooly, Episode two, Rendezvous. Check ya Later!!


	2. Rendevous

                      Disclaimer: I do not own FLCL or any related characters.

                                                                         Love and Peace!!

                                                           Rendevous

          "Sleepy time's over Takkun!! WAKE UP!!!!

           Naota was jolted awake by the deafening noise of Haruko's bass being played at

full blast.

        "AGGHH!!! TURN IT DOWN, WILL YOU!!!" he screamed.

        "We're almost to my ship, Arthur! Get ready to rock!"

        "My name isn't...."

Naota was cut off by another blast from Haruko's bass. He took a look at

his surroundings.

          Behind him, he could see the earth, spread out in its vast expanse. He could make

out the shapes of all the continents, and could see the vast oceans spread out far and wide.

Haruko was standing on the seat in front of him, prancing about.

          "Paul McCartney, stand aside!!! The Vespa queen has now arrived!!!"

Suddenly, a bright light appeared in front of them, and Naota found himself looking into

a sort of hangar. Paul McCartney moved aside, as Haruko landed her Vespa inside.

           _Wow, what's Paul McCartney doing here?_

Haruko brought the vespa to a screeching, sudden halt, throwing Naota off in the

process. He skidded across the floor of the hangar and came to rest at the feet of

Canti. Being the strong silent type, he had nothing to say. Haruko walked up to

Canti.

          "I see you made it back from your market run, "Lord Canti"! Well, let's see how

you did."

           Haruko tore into the contents of the packages, while Canti watched inquisitively.

Soon, her pleasant mood gave way to fearful anger.

           "You got the medium curry, instead of the mild stuff Takkun likes!! You're

a lousy butler!" Haruko stormed away. Canti seemed outraged by this statement, and

looked like he was about to say something. He thought better of it, and turned away.

The words "I am NOT a lousy butler" flashed on his screen.

             "How can he have made a market run? We're in outer space!"

             At that time, in another room on the ship, a nineteen year old photographer/

Canti worshipper was making a circle of candles, and preparing for a special ceremony.

She too had been kidnapped by Haruko, and brought along on this journey.__

Like Naota, Mamimi had no idea why she had been brought here. Haruko had kidnapped

her from her Chicago apartment several weeks before. She had not given her any

instructions, except to take as many pictures as possible. It was an exciting experience

for her. Not only would she get to see Naota again, but she could once again serve

Lord Canti, and earn his favor.

           Naota heard a voice call out in the darkness.

          "Canti!! God of primal darkness, hear the plea of your loyal priestess! You

reign down fire from heaven on those who bend not to your will! Lord of Fear and

god of dark things."

          Naota reached over and flipped on the lights. He could see someone kneeling

within a circle of candles in front of Canti. Mamimi turned around and looked at

Naota.

         "Glad you finally made it, chief!" She said.

         "Ma... Mamimi?" Naota stuttered.

          The two of them stood silently, looking at each other. Naota could feel the regret

of what had happened between them welling up inside him again. He contemplated this

moment, and what he should say. However, he found himself speechless.

          Suddenly, he forgot his thoughts, as the growth in his forehead began pushing

its way out.

          "Uggh, Not Again!!!" Naota moaned.

           Naota felt that all to familiar pain in his head. It was happening again.

There was a deafening, thunderous noise as this new robot pushed its way free

from Naota's head. This robot resembled a giant, mechanical spider. Haruko stood

with her guitar ready, and lunged at the beast.

           "Gotcha!! Attercop, DIE!!!!!!!

           Haruko's guitar came crashing down on the beast's head, sending forth a

shower of sparks. With a deafening roar, the spider reared backward, and rolled over

on its side. It then exploded in a brilliant flash of light, sending a shower of scrap metal

everywhere. Haruko quickly turned her attention to another robot that had just sprang

out of Naota's head.

          "You're next, X-004!!"

          Haruko started to charge forward, but found herself being held back by Canti.

         "What's your problem, TV boy?"

         Canti gazed at the robot longingly. He was silent, but the look in his screen said

everything. Love at first sight!

           "Lord Canti! Thou hast found thy heavenly love! Shine thy love upon me Lord

Canti."

           "Good grief! You sound like some bizarre, Renaissance festival hippie"

           "BJORK!!!" Mamimi yelled.

           Naota looked, and saw Haruko standing above them. She had what appeared

to be a freshly killed swan draped around her. Blood dripped from a wound on its neck.

The next thing Naota noticed was a hideous smell, strong enough to cripple a bull elephant.

The smell of rotten eggs. But then the greatest horror any man has ever known was

visited upon Naota. Haruko began to play her bass and sing a lively Renaissance ballad.          

                                                     (As Bjork)

                                               SONGFIC SCRIPT

                                  To the tune of "Misc. Medieval Synth Tune"

          "I'm an Icelandic diva, I wear dead birds, I prance around Naked, for all

you sick nerds. I'm stuck in adolescence, you can't understand what I say. But I sing

about sex, so I guess I'm okay!

           I grew up in a purple commune, but I guess you could tell. All the time I spent

with hippies, gives me a putrid smell. I don't know Nordic literature. Vinlandsaga I can't

say. I guess the Hammer of Thor, knocked out my brains today!

          I mumble to the music, of synthesized bells. The tinabulaliation that so suvellently

vells. I'm an Icelandic singer, and I'm here to say, I've got marbles in my mouth, pepeta

voon ma vay!

         I don't sing out the words, enunciation who needs it! Just read the liner notes, you

stupid haneevit! I don't sing about war, but ya know mavagot! I ain't talkin about love, I

sing of sex alot!

                                              CUT TO STUDIO

           NVA: So she's singing a stupid style parody, as Bjork, to the tune of a medieval

troubadour love song? That makes absolutely NO SENSE!!!!

           HVA: I saw it at a Renaissance festival once!

                                BACK TO ANIME FANFICTION

                          IN A SECRET BASE OUTSIDE MABASE

            Amarao and Kitsuburami were monitoring the situation with growing concern.

           "Our efforts to prevent Haruko from kidnapping Naota failed, now we just

have to wait, and hope for the best."

           "Commander, what does she plan to do with him this time?"

           "Rahau's in it for just one thing now, Atomsk. She was kicked out of the space

police brotherhood shortly after leaving earth last time. But that hasn't stopped her from

pursuing the pirate king. She's like a bloodhound; she won't stop until she catches him."

            "Sounds pretty serious, commander. But Atomsk was captured by Medical

Meccanica again, wasn't he?"

          "That's right, and they're using his power to drive their ultimate weapon. A

genetically engineered monster, called Paul. He's essentially a moving prison that they're using to harness his power for their own ends. He functions very much like the terminal core.

 but it doesn't stop there, Kitsurburami.

Raharu has apparently outfitted her guitar with a device that will allow her to open N.O

gates on her own. That's why she needs Naota."

          "She's just using him again. She doesn't care about him at all. That poor kid!"

          "Kitsurburami."

           "Yeah, commander?"

          "Do you have a sister?"

           "Eyebrows!" Kitsurburami muttered.

           Haruko sat alone in the front of her ship, gathering her thoughts, and finishing

her plan. She had successfully snatched 'Takkun' right out from under Amarao's nose.

Now all she had to do was find P.A.U.L. She listened as Naota and Mamimi talked

in the next room.

          "Sounds like Takkun and Princess Nicotine are getting along fine."

          Since being kicked out of the Brotherhood, Haruko had continued her search

for Atomsk. She had travelled all around the galaxy, trying to find him, encountering

one dead end after another. But when Atomsk had been captured by M.M, the situation

changed drastically. Amarao had told her that Atomsk's power had increased greatly,

and that if he were set free from M.M's device, the entire universe would likely collapse

around him. She hadn't believed him, of course, and she would make Atomsk's power

her own no matter what. Nobody would get in her way now.

          But there was something about 'Takkun' she could never forget. That day

she had left, three years before.

          _I love you._

          "He was just a kid" Haruko thought to herself. "He probably didn't even know what

he was saying."

         But she had to admit, things had been awfully dull without him. In a way, Haruko

was glad to have him at her side again.

     Haruko had gone to the front of the ship, and Naota was alone with Mamimi. He found

himself at a loss for words. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but just couldn't

work up the courage. Finally, Mamimi broke the awkward silence.

            "So, chief. Tell me how your life has gone since I left."

            "Well, there's not much to tell really. Mabase's as dull as it ever was now.

Nothing amazing, and it's rather mind numbing at times."

            "I see. So how is everybody?"

            Naota told Mamimi about his relationship with Ninamori, and how the

two of them had broken up recently. It had hurt for awhile, but he had learned to

deal with heartache. Mamimi understood how he felt.

             "I know what it's like chief. I felt the same way when Tasuku went to America

and got a new girlfriend. I was really sad and angry for awhile, but I learned

to deal with it. As it turned out, Tasuku wasn't gone for good. After his American

girlfriend died in that mysterious fire, we finally

found each other. So you see? Things have worked out fine after all. Someday Naota,

you'll find that special someone."

            "I heard that you two were planning on getting married!"

            "Yeah chief, we are but there's something I have to do first" Mamimi said.

           Naota sat silently for a few moments, reflecting on the past. He remembered

when Mamimi had left Mabase, and how they had parted. He felt torn up inside,

wanting desperately to apologize to her for what he had done, leaving her with no support

but he just couldn't find the courage yet.

            "Mamimi..." He said haltingly.

            "Yeah Naota?"

            "Um, I just wanted to say that... I'm sorry"

            Mamimi looked into Naota's face.

            "For what, Chief?" She asked.

            "The way I acted that day" Naota responded. "I was wrong to say the things

I did, I just wanted you to know." He paused to regain his composure, and to hold

back tears "can you... ever forgive me?" he asked.

            Mamimi was silent for a few moments. She still felt the pain of what had

happened that day, three years ago. Now, looking into Naota's eyes, she was able

finally to let that pain go. Mamimi began to cry.

            "Of course I can, Naota" she said as tears welled up in her eyes. "Of course

I can!" she pulled Naota in and gave him a long hug. They sat there silently for a few

moments.

            "You really have grown up allot, Naota" Mamimi told him.

            "I guess I have" Naota said softly.

          _  As I hugged Mamimi, I realized just how much I had missed her. I thought_

_of__ how proud I was that she had found her way in life. She would even be_

_marrying__ my brother soon. I guess things have worked out okay. _

_         Nothing interesting ever happens to me, unless you count being abducted by a_

_psychotic__ extra-terrestrial and taken on a mysterious journey across the galaxy._

_Nothing interesting at all.___

      ENDING THEME

           Well, I guess this chapter wasn't all that funny or good. Oh well, even the best

writers have their bad moments. And this guy is FAR from one of the best.

Our next chapter is entitled "A Long Hitchhike". It has nothing to do with hitchhiking,

and it's no longer than any other chapter. I guess Dillahay's still hung up on that

Douglas Adams fella. Now THAT guy was a genius!

Whatever. Next on Fooly Cooly, episode 3, A Long Hitchhike!

See ya soon!

        __


	3. A Long Hitchhike

                                    Turn Down Your Monitors (Where Applicable)

                                                      A Long Hitchike

         _I still don't know what the heck I'm doing here. Haruko hasn't explained_

_a thing to me (No surprise there, I guess). At any rate, I'm somewhere far outside_

_of the solar system, far away from everything I know and am familiar with. It _

_has been an adventure so far, and I have no idea where I will wind up next. But_

_I know one thing, whatever happens, nothing will be out of the ordinary, because_

_nothing amazing  ever happens to me. _

                                             (Opening Theme)

         Naota was frozen on the spot. Haruko stood in front of him, dressed in a long

blue robe, and wearing her guitar like a Samurai sword.

          "Come with me, disciple. We must defend the village"

          "There ISN'T any village! What are you talking about?" Naota asked,

trying to supress the fear welling up inside him.

           "The emperor has ordered it, witless nave! You will obey his command!!!"

Before Naota could respond, Haruko was standing above him.

            "Hold still, Sanjuro!!" She shouted.

Naota cringed as Haruko plunged her hands deep into his skull.

           "Ooohhhhh, I've always wanted to touch it!!"

           "OW!! BE CAREFUL, YOU WENCH!!!" (Huh?)

           Naota struggled to get away, as Haruko grabbed hold of something deep

inside his skull. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her pulling something out

of his head that appeared to be a long stick. Naota screamed in agony, at which

Haruko burst into song.

           "Make ya scream with joy and shout! When I reach in and yank it OUT!!!"

She sang happily.

            Suddenly, Haruko managed to pull it free of Naota's head. Naota groaned with

pain as he turned to see the vile abomination Haruko had brought forth from his head.

It was a vintage 1959 Gibson Les Paul. Naota was amazed, but he did not have time to

contemplate the beauty of the moment.

             "And now disciple, you shall pay for questioning your master!!!"

             "Puh-Please master!! I...." Naota whimpered, forgetting for a moment that this

wasn't feudal Japan.

          Haruko launched him backward with the Les Paul, sending him crashing into the

wall behind him. In a split second, she was sprawled out on top of him, with a sinister

grin.

           "Such a gentle face!"

           "Will you get off of me!!" Naota yelled, as his mouth twisted into an angry sneer.

           "Anger just makes you look sweeter, Takkun!" Haruko replied, unfazed.

           "Arrrgh!!"

           "You're like an un-sheathed sword, Takkun. Naked and sharp!"

           "WHAT?!" Naota asked with horror.

           "I'll show you how to use your sword!" Haruko said gently.

           "NO!"

                                             LATER

           "Yeah, that's how you hold it Takkun! Now you have to swing it!"

           Naota nodded weakly as he held the sword. (An actual sword)

           "A sword only comes alive through skillful manipulation, Takkun!"

           Mamimi interrupted them

           "We're nearing the planet Allerga 7 now captain."

Naota looked up at Haruko, and saw that, for no apparent reason, she was dressed in

a flowing white gown. She had a circlet of silver on her head. Naota was mesmerized by

Haruko's beauty, and nearly lost his brain.

            "H-Haruko" he said "you look...."

            "Deploy the Vespa!! Let's Fooly Cooly!!"

Naota soon found himself clinging to the back of Haruko's vespa, as they descended

toward the alien planet. It struck Naota that he was getting an opportunity no one from

earth had ever gotten before. He would get to see an inhabited planet far outside the

solar system. The first thing Naota noticed about this new planet was the heat. He

suddenly felt like he had been sleeping in an oven. Then, Naota's nasal passages

constricted tightly, shutting off nearly all airflow into his body.

            "H-Haruko" he choked "what's the problem here".

            "The atmosphere of Allerga 7 is made up mainly of pollen, pet dander, ragweed,

and various other allergens."

              As they descended through the clouds, Naota could begin to make out a large

statue. They came closer, and he could see that it was a statue of Haruko, wearing

the same flowing gown the real Haruko was wearing. Naota could make out a large

crowd of people approaching the statue from the distance.

             "Who are they, Haruko?" he asked.

             Mamimi answered.

             "They are the loyal worshippers of Raharu, the goddess of the wind"

Mamimi knelt before Haruko.

           "What? These people actually worship you?" Naota asked, astonished.

          "If they want to breathe normally" Haruko answered.

           The crowd was now nearing the "shrine". Most of them were dressed in rags,

while a few wore robes. All of them, for some reason, had a fish in their right ear.

They began to chant, "fooly cooly, fooly cooly" as they marched. The people threw

themselves on the ground at the foot of the shrine. All, except for one of them.

           "Why do you not bow, primitive mon... er, my child?"

           "I'm not wearing legs!" The man replied.

           Haruko's warm smile disappeared, and gave way to a hideous anger.

           "You WILL bow before me!! Or feel my wrath!!"

           With those words, Haruko leapt down from the statue with her guitar poised

and ready to strike. Naota turned away in horror as she brought her bass crashing

down onto the man's skull. He lay motionless on the ground, and Haruko returned to the

platform. She stood above the people again, and looked down on them.

         "Bring me offerings, my people, for my long journey."

They began to scatter, and run back to their villages, with fear in their eyes.

Naota was appalled. He angrily turned to Haruko.

         "How can you do this?! Have you no shame?!" He demanded.

As soon as he had asked the second question, Naota knew it was a stupid one.

_What an I saying? She IS an evil alien, after all. _

"Still a kid, huh Takkun? Well, Haruko IS a generous deity, and will not let

the devotion of her subjects go unrewarded." She paused, and then continued, with

a devilish grin on her face. "As long as they are generous with their offerings to me"

Naota turned away, fuming with anger. Shortly, the citizens of Allerga 7 began to

return, bringing their offerings. They brought many packs of Bass guitar strings, as

well as guitar polish. One of the citizens brought a Marshall bass amplifier.

            "Well" Naota said to himself "you have to admire their generosity"

Naota turned to Haruko, who seemed to be speechless.

             "My loyal people, you have pleased your goddess greatly, and now

as promised, you shall be rewarded." The people let out a triumphant exhale.

Naota then noticed that the sky had grown darker. He suddenly felt an intense

burning sensation in his eyes, nose, and throat.

              "Haruko, what's going on now?" He stammered.

             "The nectar of the goddess descends, and gives breath to her loyal

subjects" Mamimi said as she knelt before Haruko. Naota could breathe again, and

he was overwhelmed with joy.

             "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLY COOOOOOOOOOOO

LLLLLLY!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed, thinking it appropriate. Naota came to his senses,

and turned to Haruko.

             "What is this stuff?" he asked puzzled.

             "It's extra spicy curry powder, Takkun. Clears the sinuses up right away!"

            _ We made it back to Haruko's ship shortly after that. I still couldn't _

_believe what she had done. She had exthorted the poor citizens of that planet,_

_and seemed to enjoy it thouroughly. But Haruko does have a heart of gold, I'm_

_sure._

             Later, the four travelers came to a restaurant near the center of the Milky

Way Galaxy. It was a tasteful, mom and pop establishment that had been there

since the beginning of time. Literally. Haruko ordered a Zolordian Rump Roast Dinner

for them. They began discussing their plans, and Naota finally got some answers.

            "What all of this comes down to, chief, is the power of the written word. There

are some things that just won't work outside of writing." Mamimi said.

            "Someday, when all is brought to completion, you'll understand it, Takkun"

Haruko added. (This is a MAJOR plot point)

            Naota, who was feeling rather uncomfortable due to a potent combination

of spicy curry and meaningless plot info, got up to leave. Haruko whacked him with her

guitar, knocking him to the floor.

            "Raharu" a voice said.

            "Aha!!!! So your name IS Raharu" Naota said.

           "No, that's just a nickname. But it sounds more like sweet music when Takkun

says it" Haruko purred.

         Thankfully, Haruko got up and sat down at the table again. The drinks had

arrived.

          "I'll tell you about my plan" Haruko said. "Atomsk has been captured by M.M,

they're using him to power their ultimate weapon."

          "What's that?" Naota asked.

          "A genetically engineered monster, named P.A.U.L., it's an acronym!"

         "For what?" Naota asked.

         "Pretty Advanced" Haruko replied. They were silent for a few moments.

         "Uh, okay what do the U and L stand for?"

          "Damned if I know!" Haruko replied, flicking a booger at Naota, then drifting

into deep thought. "But of course I'll need Takkun's head to set him free."

           Haruko seemed solemn, as if she were about to reveal some of her deepest

secrets to them.

         "Takkun" she said slowly "It's time I told you the truth about who I am."

         Naota was puzzled, and looked at Haruko. He suddenly felt those old feelings

he had shoved aside for three years resurfacing. He knew he loved Haruko with all his

heart, and would do anything to make her happy.

          "The truth is, well, I'm a princess"

          Naota was silent.

         "I'm the last surviving member of the royal family of Thyanalpore"

         "Thyanalpore?" Naota and Mamimi said simultaneously.

         "Yeah you know, Uranus?" (None but the highest brow humor!)

         "I suppose it's fate that I should tell you that here, In the place that's nearest

and dearest to my heart. The hallowed kitchen"

          Naota felt a stirring deep within his soul. As he was listening to the sad tale

of the troubles Haruko had seen. She WAS a princess. He was completely certain

he still loved Haruko, with all his heart, as he looked into her sad face. He would do

anything to help her restore her family line.

         "Why is this place so precious to you?" Mamimi asked.

         Haruko turned back to Naota, and gazed deeply into the eyes of the man she

was almost, but not quite thirty percent certain she loved one-tenth as much as herself.

           "I was conceived here" She said

           "WHAT!!!" They both said simultaneously.

           "I was conceived here" Haruko repeated.

          "In the kitchen?!" Naota asked, appalled.

          "No, but I was found in the kitchen three days later. My parents came

here on their first date and ordered a Zolordian Rump Roast."

         "Urrrrrrrrgh" was all Naota could say.

         "It takes a long time to cook a Zolordian Rump Roast, Takkun!"

          Naota slumped across the table in disgust, he reached out with his hand

and flipped a switch on the front of Haruko's guitar.

          Haruko froze with terror and apprehension, but then smiled.

          "Now you've done it, Takkun!"

          Naota heard a strange voice in his head.

          "Have you ever wondered, about the truly improbable? What would happen if

things began happening that you once thought impossible, unattainable... Furi Kuri?

It's the world of anime fanfiction, where anything can happen! Anime Crossover drive

activated."

           "Oh yeah! Here it comes!!" Haruko leapt onto the table, and swung her bass

around. A strange red glow illuminated her as she began to play. The song was familiar

to Naota.

             "Revenge no lobster!!" Haruko sang.

            Naota hated that song, but had no time to complain. Strange and terrible things

began to happen.

            Horrible anime gloomy bears  came raining down from the heavens. A

wormhole opened directly above Naota, and began spewing awful once-a-week manga

booklets. Mamimi grabbed Naota's arm.

            "What's happening!" she said in a frightened tone.

            Naota had no time to respond. Singing Irish demon babies rose up from

the Nether-worlds below the restaurant. And, to the tune of "Whiskey in the Jar"

they took control of hospitals all across Denmark. Naota decided to run for it.

                                   (Are you finding this hard to follow?)

            "It's no good, Naota" Mamimi said.

            "Why?" Naota asked, as armies of hell spawn squirrels charged toward

them.

             "The Irish demon babies have probably stripped Haruko's ship for spare

parts!" Mamimi responded.

              "Great! What'll we do now" The squirrels had stolen Naota's clothes, and

he was naked.

              "We'll have to find another way to escape!"

             "Say, what would singing Irish demon babies need with spare parts?"

             A horde of golden horny bunnies attacked Mamimi. She defeated them.

              "Uh oh, now we're dead" Haruko said non-chalantly.

            They looked up, and saw a giant comet with the face of Eric Clapton

streaking toward them. Haruko, Naota, and Mamimi joined hands and prepared to

die.

            "Mamimi" Naota said crying.

            "Yeah chief?" Mamimi responded. Strangely, she was not crying.

            "Let's stay friends in heaven!"

            Suddenly, they looked up and saw another strange light in the sky. As it came

closer, they could make out what it was. Canti had arrived. The god of primal darkness

raced against the comet (from which the song 'Layla' was being emitted. Backwards)

He scooped the three of them up, and took off for Haruko's ship. The comet hit the 

restaurant and exploded, sending forth a shower of beef nuggets.

                                          Back on the ship.

           "So princess, what do you need us for" Naota asked.

          "My family line must not die, Takkun. I'm the last hope for my planet."

           "Umm..."

           "I must birth an heir to our throne" Haruko said.

                                           ENDING THEME

         How about that Greg Allman, eh? He's just not the singer he used to be. I guess

his voice is going because of all the testifying he's done. In a perfect world, great blues

singers would never lose that touch, they would be in their prime forever and ever, they

would also never sell out their fellow band members for immunity, and we would all be

forever young. In a perfect world, there would be no run-on sentences like that last one.

Hmm, what I've been saying has absolutely nothing to do with our next chapter. It's

entitled "Fooly Disrobed" and has some "Serial Experiments Lain" spoofs. See ya!  

_        So long, and thanks for all the fish!_


	4. Fooly Disrobed Layer 04

                                        Sometimes you have to wonder what happens,

                              When the TV show ceases to be seen, and can only be

                               read as Fanfiction.

                                                        Is this the real FLCL?

                                                            ROLL TIDE!!!!

                                                           Fooly Disrobed

                                                                Layer 04

          _I think I'm begining to lose whatever mind I had left before the journey._

_I barely know myself anymore. Am I really here? Am I really alive? Is there_

_a meaning to Fooly Cooly? I don't know up from down. Is this the real me_

_talking? _(Naota's left eye begins blinking uncontrollably)._ Look at this, I used to_

_have a perfectly good eye!_

                                        (He's going bloody bonkers!)

          Naota, Haruko, and Mamimi sat alone and silently on the bridge. Everything

was quiet, except for an inexplicable hum that seemed to surround them. It reminded

Naota of the sound of power lines back on earth. Naota stared into his plate of

mild curry, as he contemplated what to do next. The smell of it burned his nose, and

he felt it all throughout his empty head. Canti stood next to the table quietly. He had

hardly said a word the whole trip. Naota broke the silence.

         "So, uh, yeah." He said with conviction.

          "Yep" everyone agreed enthusiastically.

          Nothing was happening, absolutely nothing.

         Naota suddenly had the urge to ask Haruko a question.

         "Say, Haruko, what royal family did you say you were from?"

        Haruko finished her glass of sugar water, then answered.

        "To tell you the truth I was created by a high tech laboratory

to be the ultimate fighting machine/ musician"

         "Yeah, right" Naota said in classic Rowsdowher fashion.

        "But that's not my only purpose in the universe, Takkun. I am also burdened

with the responsibilty of restoring the connection between all worlds."

         "Really Haruko?" Naota asked, looking concerned.

         "There's a problem though, my power is not great enough to do it. Another has

to come from my blood, and our combined power will then be great enough. I have

to bear a child, Takkun."

       Naota groaned, and drank his Ramen in one gulp. His expression changed, and

a pleasant smile spread across his face.

        "Say! This is good!" He remarked. It actually tasted like something.

       "Glad you like it Tato! It's made from curry and peanut oil" Haruko said.

       "P-Peanut oil!!!!" Naota yelled, as he began to choke.

       "Yep"

       "I'm.. Allergic" he gasped

        "Allergic! Manergic! Lysergic! Magic! This is STUPID TATO!!! Your life is

a hollow lie!!!"

          Haruko sprang forward with her guitar and brought it crashing into Naota's

skull. He was nearly finished, as he lay on the floor, desperately holding on to his

last shred of life.

           "Push... my... reset... button. Uhhhhhg" Naota was now officially dead.

          Haruko was distraught when she saw this.

          "Why do we always hurt the ones we love?! I killed the man I love almost

one tenth as much as I love myself! Why Takkun?! WHY?! Takkun! Takkun!!  
  
TAAAAAAAAA-KUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!"

                               NAOTA "TAKKUN" NANDABA

                  September 4, 1988- God-Knows-When, 2004

                 Killed by an Evil Alien, and a potent combination of

                 head trauma and peanut allergy.

          MAY HIS SPIRIT FIND PEACE ON THE ETERNAL PLAIN.

                                     CUT TO STUDIO

          NVA: That is so LAME!!!!

                           BACK TO ANIME FANFICTION   

        Naota saw that he was standing at the bottom of a long staircase. At the top,

there shone a dim white light. The staircase was surrounded on all sides by darkness.

He slowly began walking towards the light. Everything was silent, except for the

sound of his footsteps. Suddenly, a strange glow appeared directly in front of him.

He stopped in his tracks, and a schoolgirl with a strange haircut and a red ball cap

appeared in front of him.

         "Hi" she said.

         "Um, hi" Naota responded. He felt increasingly uneasy, as if this strange girl

had some sort of great and terrible power.

         "This here's the stairway to Heaven! Y'all know that right?" The girl said.

         "So I guess I'm dead?!" Naota said, aghast.

        "Y'all have been released from them confines of yo physical body, and now

exist as a spiritual-type being. Bodies are stupid y'know"

        "I take that as a yes" Naota responded flatly. He was taking the news of his

death rather well. He walked past the girl, and continued up the stairs.

         "Snot nosed brat!!" he muttered.

         Naota then heard a strange guitar riff, from far away.

         "Come to me!" A disembodied voice said.

         Naota felt a bustle in his hedgerow. In front of him, he saw his long dead dog,

Spike. Naota was overcome with awe at this.

          "Spike! Why are you here?"

          Spike looked solemn. "Because in here, there is a god!"

         "Really?" Naota replied

          "Spelled backwards that's 'dog', y'know!"

                              MEANWHILE, BACK ON THE SHIP

        "Just WAKE UP, SANJO!!!!!!!"

        "His name isn't Sanjo! Like I said before, you should give him..."

        "Wait a minute! Sanjo has succumbed to.. The Dreaded deading!!

This calls for drastic measures!!" Haruko exclaimed.

         She grabbed her bass off its stand, and fired up the motor, then raising it

high above Naota, she began to chant.

        "Furi Kuri, Furi Kura!! Furi Kuri, Furi Kura!"

         Nothing happened. Absolutely nothing. Somewhere, a schoolgirl was crying on her

front doorstep, but no one cared. The inexplicable hum continued unabated.

         Naota was terrified (Surprise?) He was standing in a place that looked exactly

like his room back in Mabase. He could see his/Haruko's guitar in the corner, which

was normal. His bat was leaning where he had left it up against his bed, also normal.

There was a 7 foot long alligator sitting at his computer, surfing the internet. This was

somewhat unusual.

          "We're all connected, Takkun." Haruko's voice said.

           Naota quckly turned, and standing in the doorway, was Haruko. She

was peering through the barely open door at him, with a gentle smile on her face.

But there was something different about her. A green hand rested on the door.

          "You know, Takkun, no matter who you are, or where you are, you

are always connected" Haruko said softly.

          "Where'd you get THAT line, 'evil alien' Anime?" Naota scoffed.

           "You, me, Mamimi, Kamon, Ichiro, Jeffery Moru, Mike Nelson, Jimmy Durante,

 everybody is connected."

           Naota pondered this for a moment, and Haruko continued.

          "Have you ever wondered what it's all about, Takkun? Life, death, and what

it all means?"

           "Sure" Naota said, trying to humor Haruko.

         "What it all comes down to is... Fooly Coolly!!!"

                                                   Silence

           "What's this alligator doing at my computer?" Naota asked.

           "Him? He's just a Navi-Gator" Haruko replied.

            With a great flash, Naota was whisked away from his room. The alligator

vanished, and was made into a suitcase. When Naota came to his senses he was lying

on his back in bed. He had Haruko's old Rickenbacker bass at his side.

After lying there for a few minutes, he got up and began to play the guitar. Naota was

envisioning himself on stage playing with The Captain and Tenille. It was a band he loved.

For some reason, he didn't want anyone to know about this. After completeing a rousing

rendition of "Muskrat Love", he opened his eyes. Haruko was standing behind

him. She had an evil smile on her face, and laughed insidiously. Naota guiltily moved his

hand away from the guitar.

          "Shame on you, Takkun!" Haruko said with a twisted grin.

          "Hey! What are you...?"

          "Do you know who Takkun likes? Do you know who he's thinking of when

he plays" (guitar) "with himself?"

          Naota began to cry. "You've been telling people, haven't you?!" You've been

telling them what I've been doing?! About my secret and forbidden passion?"

          He heard the voices of his friends chime in.

         "So, Naota likes The Captain and Tenille!! Have you heard what he does when he's

alone? It's really hilarious."

          "Sure!" Haruko said. "He has a crush on his teacher too!"

        "Really? I thought he was getting hot and heavy with an alien!" Another voice said.

         "Those are just RUMORS!!!!" He screamed.

         "There's somethin' screwy in wonderland, Alice" Haruko said in an evil voice.

          Naota turned to run away, but Haruko was on top of him in an instant.

          "I'm a sweet, lucious bundle of love, just for you!" Haruko said, then broke

into an evil laugh. (Eeeewww!!!)

           "Let's ALL love Takkun!!" She said maniacally.

           Naota looked up, and there, such horror met his eyes that he could not speak, and

he felt only a gripping, evil terror that surpassed all understanding.

An army of Haruko's minions was advancing toward him. They all looked, and acted

exactly like Haruko.

           "Yes!! Let's ALL love Takkun!!" They shouted joyously, as they rushed forward.

           Naota passed out on the spot.

                              (Nothing actually happened, you sickos)

                                   BACK ON THE SHIP        

          Haruko finished pouring another can of extra-sour soda down Naota's

throat. She then sat back, looking dejected.

          "Hmm, the sour stuff isn't working, looks like Sanjo's doomed."

          "You could give him CPR" Mamimi suggested.

          Haruko turned to her angrily.

          "CPR?! What do you think I am?"

          "A sleazy paramedic?" Mamimi responded innocently.

         "Nurse! Nurse! 500 cc's of anachanapanassan stat!" Haruko yelled.

          "Ummm..."

         "Calling Doctor Haruko, Doctor Haruhara Haruko!!" Haruko said in a

little girl voice. She was wearing her nurse's outfit for no apparent reason. She

jumped on her Vespa and circled around Naota several times. (Running over his head

twice in the process).

         "Haruhara Haruko! Alien in black!!"

         "Shouldn't it be white?" Mamimi asked.

          Canti, the lousy butler, had nothing to say. Absolutely nothing.

           Naota was now standing on a city street in Mabase. The street was empty,

and everything was silent. Only the humming of power lines could be heard. Slowly,

he began to hear the laughing of children behind him.

          "Kids" he muttered.

          Then he turned around, and what he saw horrified him. The world had

suddenly gone dark. Haruko stood there, illuminating everything immediately

around her. Then, 14 spotlights appeared. Beneath each one of them was an exact

duplicate of Naota, except they were all bobblehead dolls.

          "Have you ever asked yourself, what does it all mean?" Haruko asked.

          "What, the bobbleheads?"

          "Fooly Cooly, drooly drooly, googly googly, goochie gnoochi..."

          "What? What are you telling me?" Naota asked harshly.

          "Is your father really  your father?"

          "Why don't you tell me something, who are you really?"

         "I'm just a figment of your imagination Takkun! I exist only in your mind!"

         "We did that one already!" Naota said.

          "I'm the queen of bassists! I'm the ruler of all rythym players! And I have the

body of a rock star!"

          Naota was shocked by this, but then it suddenly dawned on him.

          "Wait a minute! You're in spirit form! You CAN'T have the body of a rock star!"

          "I can't?" Haruko asked, puzzled.

          "No, you can't have ANY body as a matter of fact!"

           "Uh, say Naota" Haruko said. "Why don't you stand right over there."

            Naota was taken aback by this request, and rather surprised that Haruko

had used his real name. Haruko moved quickly away, and Naota heard a strange voice

say, "gotcha!!" Suddenly, Naota was knocked to the floor by a tremendous blow from

behind. He then felt himself being pressed harder and harder against the floor, as a

pile of something or other landed on top of him.

         "It's a good thing I don't have a body" he thought, as he struggled to free

himself. After escaping from the inexplicable pile of rubble, he took a long look at

it. It was a pile of computer software boxes. They were all emblazoned with a

strange logo that looked somewhat like a window.

         "Should've known" he said to himself "this stuff is ALWAYS crashing."

                                       (That was bad. Even for me)

          At that moment, a strange light appeared around Naota, and he could see the

world growing brighter. Then he noticed dazzling colors of light around him. He

heard a voice.

          "C'mon up, Naota-Kun" the voice said.

          "Huh? Dad!? Where are you?"  
  
         "Up here in Mister Leary's bi-plane" his father responded.

         Naota then felt himself lifted up into the sky. The ground dissappeared far

beneath him as he rose. Soon, he saw his father sitting at a table, there were two

plates of curry on it.

          Naota sat across from his father, and dug his spoon into the curry as the brilliant

colors of the sky danced around them.

          "Naota" his father said "You don't have to eat that mild stuff, ever again!"

          Naota dropped the spoonful of curry just as he was about to eat it. He looked

up at his father again and spoke.

          "Say dad..."he started

          "You may call me 'daddy'" Kamon interrupted

          "Okay, 'daddy' I need to tell you something about..."

          "About the People?" Kamon interrupted again.

          "No, it's about why we had..."

          "You love the people, don't you Naota-Kun?" Kamon asked solemnly.

         "Uh, they're okay I guess. But I need to tell you why..."

          "So you DO love the people!!"

          "Okay, I DO love the people" Naota said annoyed "but I need to tell you

about...."

         "The city people. The country people! The townspeople! The village people!

You love ALL the people!!!"

         "WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME!!!!" Naota said angrily "I..."

         "Oh, I'm sorry Naota-Kun. Did you want to say something?"

          "YES!! It's about Fooly Coolly, and drooly drooly, and hoochie coochie! And

Goochi gnoochi!..."

         "And the people you love!!!" Kamon said joyously.

         "Yes! I do love the people! All of them! I DO!" Naota began to

cry bitterly. "You cause me such pain!"

          Just then, Haruko appeared in her goddess garb.

         "Such pain! Bullet train! Let's all love (careful, lawsuit!) Maine!!!"

                                       (Maine is public domain!)

         Suddenly, Naota was transported away from that place. He could see this

afterlife melting away around him. The sky disappeared, and the bobble head Naotas

were swept up in it, packaged tastefully, and sold for 10,000 yen apiece at collectors

shops.

           The next thing Naota knew, he was laying on the cold, hard floor of Haruko's

ship. He tried to take a breath, but found Haruko's tongue was blocking his airway.

He sat up quickly.

           "Yessss!!! Sanjo is returned from death." Haruko exclaimed.

           "His name's not Sanjo!!" Mamimi said indignantly.

           "Ugh, what did you do to me?!" Naota asked, gasping for breath.

           "CPR" came Haruko's answer.

           "Did she stick her tongue in?" Mamimi asked.

           "Just forget about it" Naota said crossly. Then he looked up at a shelf

above him, and screamed in terror. There, on the shelf, was a complete set of

bobble head Naotas.

           "Aggggggh!!!!!!!!!" was all Naota could say, as he pointed at the bobble heads.

          "What are you screaming about, Takkun? Oh, I see. They're quite the collectors

item" Haruko told him.

          "Huh? But....."

           "Takkun, there's something you need to know" Haruko said as she plucked at

her bass.

           "What's that?!"

           "You're pregnant!"

                               (I'll leave you for now with that thought)

                                                   (Katsume)

                                              ENDING THEME

            Well, this episode was supposed to provide some answers. To what? I don't

know. This just raises more questions. Will Mamimi and Tasuku get married? What is

the ultimate answer to life? Will Naota and Haruko ever slappette lubbernoffie...? Yeah,

I... read that right. Guess it lost something in the translation.

Oh well, now it's time for the obligatory massive battle which usually

occurs around this time. Next on Fooly Cooly, it's Showdown time!! See Ya!

You didn't HONESTLY think I would provide answers, did you?

           _This floating world is but a dream._


	5. Showdown

                                             Resist ALL temptation.

                                                    Showdown!!

                                       When last we met, on FLCL.

         Naota sat in bemused amazement on the floor of Haruko's ship. He slowly got

up the nerve to ask a diffucult question.

         "Is... It mine, Haruko?" he said, as tears began welling up in his eyes.

         "Yeah Takkun, it is." she said

         The news hit Naota like a ton of bricks in a Mac Truck. It was his. IT WAS HIS.

He couldn't take back what had happened. He would have to live with the consequences

forever. How could this have happened? Why? How can this be? 

          _It's strange to think about, and scary. But it's kind of exciting at the same _

_time__. I'm willing to bet no man has ever been through what I'm going through _

_now__. My only question is, will it be a boy or.... Hey! Wait a minute! I'm a Man,_

_I can't be pregnant!_ (A dim bulb brightens)

                           LATER, NEAR THE PLANET SURFACE

            "Star date, 099FLCL, we have arrived at P.A.U.L's hiding place. The planet

Rumyungyunsonson. We will soon deploy and set out to fight P.A.U.L and his 

minions." 

          "Do you mind having stretch marks, Naota?" Mamimi asked.

          "Will you shut up! I'm NOT pregnant! I'm a man!"

          "That gag is SO dead!!!" Haruko yelled.

          "Yep" The disembodied voice of the writer agreed.

          "You're right, only women can get pregnant, chief!"

          "Takkun was killed once, by a woman! SOUP'S ON!!!"

           Naota took his place at the table, and looked at his dinner. It was the same horrible

Ramen Haruko had been making him eat the whole journey. His mind drifted to thoughts of

his home planet. He thought of the beef, and fish he used to eat back home.

          "Something wrong, Takkun?" Haruko asked as she viciously dug into her noodles.

         "I was wondering, have you ever heard of protein, Haruko?"

          "Eat your Ramen, Takkun. Without it you'll starve quicker than Spike Spiegel on

Atkins!"

           Naota groaned, and got up from his seat, never wanting to eat Ramen again as

long as he lived.

           "I'll need to use your head again, hope that's okay!" Haruko said cheerfully.

           Naota was fed up.

           "No it's not okay! All you've ever done is use me Haruko. You're the most pig-

headed, selfish, self serving woman I've ever known in my life! You took me away from 

my home planet, and you expect me to just go along with your evil schemes. But without

my head, I'm really just a burden to you, aren't I?"

            "Could a burden pilot the ship Takkun?" Haruko asked, as if it were the most 

reasonable question to ask in this situation.

             Naota had no response to this, but for some unfathomable reason, it made 

perfect sense. He wasn't giving up yet, however. 

          "I won't let you use me!" He said defiantly. 

          "You don't have a choice, Takkun. Cross me, and you'll regret it!!"   

          "Yeah sure! I..."

          "Remember when you were young, Takkun? How I used to make you cry? I used

to tie you to the bedpost. Remember the needles under your fingernails?"

         "What? You never put needles under my fingernails! I'm not letting you use my head!"

         "You will, Takkun. I have... the pictures!"

         "What? You don't have any pictures, I...."

         "She does, Chief." Mamimi said coolly.

         This was the reason Mamimi had come. She had been taking pictures of all those...

awkward moments between Naota and Haruko. The realization hit Naota like a highball*

from hell. They were blackmailing him.

         "Mamimi!!! How could you?!"

                                      BACK IN THE SECRET BASE  
  


         "Red Alert! Red Alert! All personnel prepare for destruction of universe!" 

         "What's happening commander!" A frightened Kitsurburami asked.

         "They've reached Rumyungyeyunsonson! If Atomsk gets free, this universe is 

doomed!"  

          "What will we do, Commander" an inquisitive (and frightened) Kitsurburami asked.

          "We'll have to evacuate"

          "WHAT? YOUR NUTS!!!"

                                             CUT TO STUDIO

         Writer/director: No no no! That's YOU'RE Nuts!

         KVA: Oh, Sorry!

         Editor: Blooper reel!

                                             BACK TO AFF        

         The five travelers had landed on the planet surface, in a cornfield. It was a quiet and

sunny day on this planet. Haruko slung her guitar off of her shoulder, and turned to face

Naota.

          "Here's where you come in Takkun!"

          Naota once again felt an intense pain in his head. There was a deafening rumble, as

the robot pushed it's way out of his forehead. He could see a brief glimpse of two giant

hands shooting out of his head. Then Haruko spoke.

           "Paul is a dead man! Miss him, miss him!"

          That's what this was all about. P.A.U.L. hadn't been hiding on this planet after all,

Haruko had been waiting to pull him through his head all along. The sun turned darker

as P.A.U.L stood up to his full height. Naota looked up, and was terrified by what he

saw. P.A.U.L was a giant Cyborg, carrying an enormous Flying V guitar. The initials

M.M were emblazoned on his chest.

         "So, Raharu has come at last" P.A.U.L said in a sinister voice.

         "Give me Atomsk, P.A.U.L, and I won't have to make Takkun destroy you!"

         "Atomsk is serving his purpose for us well! He cannot be released, or he will

destroy you, and this whole universe." P.A.U.L responded. 

         "You think I care about that, Pretty Advanced? Looks like I'll have to rip him out 

of you. I'll tie you to the whipping post, my little 'Hoochie Coochie' man!!"   

         At that moment, P.A.U.L unleashed a barrage of laser fire at them, Haruko sprang

into action.                        

         "Save me Takkun! Save Me!" She yelled, ducking behind Naota.

        Naota barely had time to react, but managed to dodge away, and took off running

through the cornfield. 

        "S.A.U.L, come forth! Deal with that child. My minions, let us destroy these 

fools!" A compartment in P.A.U.L's forehead opened and an army of robots emerged,

followed by S.A.U.L (Somewhat Advanced). The army of robots attacked Haruko, but

she was a mighty warrior, and defeated them while singing "All You Need Is Love"

        Meanwhile, S.A.U.L had taken off in hot pursuit of Naota, with his laser cannons

blazing. Naota continued running in blind terror, clinging tightly to his guitar while 

pretending to be tripping in order to dodge the hail of lasers. 

        Mamimi was being pursued by a small army of P.A.U.L's lesser minions. 

        "Takkun, Takkun, Takkun! Please save me!" She muttered.

        She thought back to something Takkun, her cat, had said when he left her.

                                                 FLASHBACK

        "Oh Takkun, are you... leaving me for good?" Mamimi asked, crying.

        "Meow" (Trans: Do not fear, my dear Sanejima. I will come back to you at the

turn of the tide.)

                                            END FLASHBACK    

          Haruko stood facing P.A.U.L defiantly. A giant heap of twisted, smoldering 

metal surrounded them. She held her guitar by her side. P.A.U.L turned away for a brief

moment, and Haruko sprung into action. 

         "PAUL REED SMITH SOUL STEALER!!!" She screamed in classic Inu-Yasha

fashion, bringing her guitar crashing into P.A.U.L's head. He was stunned by her attack, 

and reeled backward.

         "Where's Takkun?" She wondered.

          Naota had no idea how he had gotten here. But he was standing in what appeared

to be a church. The light from outside danced through the stained glass windows, and

cast brilliant colors all around the room. Naota did not care about that, because P.A.U.L's

sidekick had him pinned down, and was shooting at him. Canti was also crouching by 

Naota's side, strangely unfazed by the torrent of bullets. They would have to come up 

with an escape plan, and fast.

          "Hurry Canti! Mamimi can't hold up on her own for long" 

          The situation was indeed desperate; Mamimi was at that moment being pursued by

dozens of P.A.U.L's minions. They were pursuing her toward a sheer rock face, where 

they could trap her. Suddenly, Naota had a brilliant plan.

           "Canti, if we can make it to the second floor, we'll have more open space and you'll

be able to use me as ammo."

            Canti was silent, as he pondered the sheer brilliance of Naota's plan. Just then, 

S.A.U.L. (Somewhat Advanced U.L.) stopped to reload his weapon, and to admire

the brilliant stained glass window. Naota saw his chance. He sprang out from behind the 

wall and ran for the staircase. S.A.U.L unleashed a shower of bullets (he also fired his

weapon) at Naota. The next few moments were the most intense of Naota's life, but he

made it to the staircase, and ran  for the upper level. Canti followed, quietly. 

         Naota and Canti stood in a large open room, there was a balcony behind them.

S.A.U.L stood facing them across the room, preparing to unleash another fierce attack.

          "Now Canti!" Naota yelled.

           Canti sprang into action. He picked Naota up, and shoveled him into his mouth. 

S.A.U.L unleashed his latest attack, forcing Canti to dodge around the room (silently

of course). Then he made his move, launching Naota at the foe. S.A.U.L exploded with

a brilliant flash when Naota made impact. The roof above them was blown off, and

the Zolordians (known for their rump roasts) rejoiced. S.A.U.L was vanquished.

         Naota slowly stood up to get his bearings. Everything was silent, except for

a cool and gentle breeze outside. Canti, being a deep thinker, had no words at this

time. Naota came to his senses.

        "We did it, Canti!! We did it!!" 

        Naota began dancing around joyously, and singing a victory song. Canti began to

dance as well. But as he danced, he carelessly hit Naota knocking him off the balcony,

and sending him plummeting to the ground below.

       The scenes of Naota's life flashed before him, as he fell in slow motion. This was the

end. He could hear a Children's choir sing a cheerful song from the heavens. Visions

of roses danced before his eyes as the ground neared.

                                           CUT TO STUDIO

         Writer/director: Hm, this "Ballad of Fallen Angels" reference isn't working out

like I thought it would.

         NVA: Yeah, it's tough to do things like that in print.

                                            BACK TO AFF

         Naota slowly opened his eyes, and saw the clear, blue sky above him.

        "Am I dead again?" He wondered.

         He sat up and looked around, and then he saw something that filled him with 

wonder and amazement. He had fallen on a mattress. 

          "Wow, who would put a mattress out here?" He wondered.

          "Voon" Said the mattress.

          "Mamimi" Naota muttered, and then took off to go save her.

           The mattress was silent.

          Mamimi was surrounded. She had her back to a cliff face, and was surrounded on

three sides by P.A.U.L's minions. Naota stood next to her, having teleported.

        "Looks like this is the end" Naota said.

        "Takkun, Takkun, please save us" she said trembling.

        "There's nothing I can do, Mamimi" Naota said. 

        They were finished, no heroes, evil aliens, or fanfic clichés could save them now.

They braced themselves for death.

         But then, they looked up and saw a brilliant light in the sky. P.A.U.L's minions

who had been preparing to kill them, turned around and looked on in wonder. The light

grew nearer, and brighter. Suddenly, it exploded and the sky was filled with a dazzling

white light. P.A.U.L's minions began to scatter in fear. Naota and Mamimi looked on,

and saw the form of a cat emerge from where the light had exploded.

          "Takkun" Mamimi muttered.

           Takkun the white had arrived. The evil robots began falling left and right before 

his mighty claws. Those who did not fall before him fled in terror to the shadow of

a previously un-mentioned forest. From that shadow, none ever returned (they were

instead devoured by angry Raccoons, who were upset by having robots flee into the

shadow of their forest).

          "Takkun, he's a wonderful, wonderful cat!" Mamimi muttered in amazement.

          "Wow, didn't see THAT coming" Naota said.

        Canti, meanwhile had run off into the forest with X-004, they were NOT devoured

by angry Raccoons. Instead they did things I shall not describe.

         Haruko had managed to dodge P.A.U.L's every attack, looking for some opening

that would allow her to free Atomsk. She would not be denied. Her whole life had come 

down to this moment, and years of frustration were about to come to an end. She just

needed Naota's head. P.A.U.L. was sent reeling by another blow from Haruko's guitar.

Just in time, Naota arrived at the scene of the battle. 

        Naota stood next to Haruko, as they faced off against P.A.U.L. 

       "Takkun, I'm gonna get Atomsk, but I need your help okay?"

       Naota knew he didn't have a choice in the matter. So he nodded weakly. 

Haruko grabbed him by his shirt collar, and hurled him toward her foe. P.A.U.L was

caught completely off guard by this attack. Naota crashed into him with incredible force,

causing his armor to split in two.

         "Yes! YES!!" Haruko yelled, as the head of Atomsk poked outward. P.A.U.L

was suddenly ripped apart by the force of Atomsk, who flapped his wings and rose 

toward the sky. Atomsk was free.

                                         BACK IN THE SECRET BASE

                                "Two minutes to destruction of the universe" 

         "Kitsurburami." Amarao said.

         "What is it commander?" She replied.

         "This could be our last night on earth. I don't want to die a virgin." 

                                         RUMYUNGYUNSONSON

         The homing device on Haruko's wrist was throttling wildly, as Atomsk swooped

down toward her. She got ready to grab hold of his talon and absorb his power. 

         Naota slowly got up off the ground and looked around. There was a stifling heat

in the air, and a the red glare of Atomsk filled the sky. Something wasn't right.

           "Haruko?" he stammered. Looking on the horizon, he could make out the shape

of Haruko, as Atomsk closed in on her. 

          "Oh no!!"

         Haruko was suddenly thrown violently backwards, and momentarily stunned as

Atomsk crashed into her. 

        "Haruko, watch out!!!" Naota yelled, but his voice was inaudible above the

deafening rumble. He took off running toward her, but lost his balance, as the ground 

began to shake. Naota didn't know it, but the universe was beginning to implode around

Atomsk. Canti was nowhere to be seen, and Takkun the White had also disappeared. 

Naota was alone as he struggled toward where Haruko had fallen. 

                                        BACK IN THE SECRET BASE

         "Kitsurburami" Amarao said, for no apparent reason, he was dressed like

Miroku from "Inuyasha"

          "WHAT!!!!?" A furious (and frightened) Kitsurburami responded.

          "Will you consider having my child?"

               "One Minute, Two seconds to destruction of Universe"

                                                  PLANET

         "Oh no!! Haruko!!" Naota said as he knelt beside her. She was lying on the

ground, unconscious. Naota looked up, and saw Atomsk swooping back toward them.

He had to act quickly. He would have to swing his bat again. Naota picked up his

guitar, and stood up.

          "Canti" he yelled "pitch me a fastball!"

          Canti had just arrived from the forest (he was rather sweaty). He took out a 

baseball and wound up. Atomsk was closing in at blinding speed, but Naota was 

focused on Canti's pitch. He swung as hard as he could. The ball rocketed off his

guitar with a loud crack, and sailed toward Atomsk. The giant bird suddenly reared

backward with a deafening scream. Direct hit.  Atomsk's light suddenly grew dim as

he sunk toward the ground. 

        Everything was silent, and Haruko's wristband suddenly stopped. This could

only mean one thing. Atomsk was destroyed. Naota had saved the Universe.

         "Ta-Takkun?" Haruko said weakly. Her wristband was forever still. 

         "Haruko?" 

          Their eyes met, and Haruko saw the tears on Naota's face.

         "I-I'm sorry!" He whimpered.

         Suddenly Naota was caught in a vice-like grip, and he felt Haruko's tongue 

rubbing against his face.

         "I've always thought a man should be strong! Stand up for himself and the 

woman he loves!!!" Haruko yelled, tightening her grip, and licking him repeatedly.

          Naota had reached his boiling point. He had been taken away from his home and

family, and brought along on a dangerous journey. Along the way he had seen horrors to

great to imagine, had his clothes stolen by evil squirrels, and even been killed. Also,

he was sick and tired of being violated by an extra-terrestrial. Haruko pressed her face

closer to his, making disgusting kiss noises. His hand closed around the neck of his 

Gibson SG. 

        "Smooooooooooochie! Smoooooooochie!" Haruko said through puckered lips.

        "Smoochie this!!" Naota said. With all his remaining strength, he took up the guitar,

and swung as hard as he could. He caught Haruko upside the head with his swing, 

knocking her over backwards in slow motion.

                                              CUT TO STUDIO

           HVA: You can get cramps doing slow-mo shots!

                                                BACK TO AFF

          Naota was silent. His fear of what would happen now strangled him. The rain

ran down off of his guitar, forming a puddle at his feet. Haruko slowly got up, and stood

in front of Naota. She had a look of surprise, and strange admiration. Like she was re-united

with a long lost love, after years of hitchhiking across the galaxy.

          Naota dropped his guitar into the puddle of water, as an inexplicable music box

played softly in the background.

         "My long search is over at last" Haruko said softly.

         "What are you talking about?"

         "I'm a gypsy of the heavens Takkun!"

         "Sure, five minutes ago you were the reincarnation of Alexander the Great!"

         "For eons I've wandered the stars, looking for love"

         "That's a likely story" Naota snorted "where'd you get it, Fanfiction?"

         "I knew the minute I set foot on your backward, miserable, harmless rock of a

planet that I would find true love at last!"

        "Harmless?! I..."

        "You're not angry are you David?"

        "Look, for the last time! My name is Naokku..."

        "You're not! And you DO still love me!!"

        (Haruko was now 100 percent certain she loved Naota 1/2 as much as herself)

        Up until now, Naota had been doggedly holding onto the last shreds of his will to

resist Haruko. Now he stood on that grassy plain, looking deep into her cat-like eyes.

There was something in her eyes now he had never seen before. Haruko walked

toward him  and placed her hands on his shoulders. His will was crumbling fast.

        "I've always wanted a man who really had that swing!" Haruko dropped her guitar,

and pulled Naota into a warm, affectionate embrace. Naota's will to resist was now 

utterly broken, and its pieces scattered across the Empire. He collapsed sobbing into 

Haruko's arms. His guitar gently wept. Haruko recited a tender love poem, describing

her feelings for Naota.

                                       A Tender Love Poem

             "Thou art my sun, and moonlit sky. You're really not a half bad guy! 

You make me dizzy, faint and swoon. Me shut you out in tennis too!*"

            _* It was the closest Haruko had ever come to saying "I love you."_

(Sorry!)

                  Sweet tender Music fills the air, as they gaze into each other's eyes. 

Naota leans in for a kiss and..................................

         "HA HA HA!!!! NOW YOU PAY! I'M NOT GONNA GO EASY ON YOU!!"  
  


          Poor Naota didn't even have time to blink. Haruko launched into him with her 

Paul Reed Smith. He was pummeled. Haruko sang happily as she beat him

          "I can't give you anything but love, Baby!!"

          Haruko finished her beating, and stood over Naota with a twisted grin.

          "How was that, Takkun?" She asked

          "You... sing... off... key. uhggh" Naota replied, then drifted into unconsciousness.

It was a beautiful autumn day on that planet. The doves lifted a joyous song unto the

heavens as Naota's soul drifted away on the wind.

                                            BACK ON THE SHIP

           Naota was leaning back in his chair in a full body cast, contemplating his actions 

that day. He had saved Haruko from certain death, and finally managed to hit her with a 

guitar. Haruko stood in the kitchen, preparing another curry dish.

           "Say Haruko, have you ever heard that story about the million tiger-striped cats 

who each die one death, then a beautiful white cat comes in and gets run over by a 

cement truck?"

            "Sure Takkun."

           "I love that story!" Naota said suavely.

                                            ENDING THEME

          You know, with most good things there comes that perfect time, when after 

a very special act, you know everything is complete. This sequel is reaching its end, that

time when we wrap up every plot point and embark on an exciting new begining. Explore

every new possibility! 

         Come to think of it, most of the plot points (such as they are) 

have already been resolved. Hmm, there IS that "power of the written word" thing I 

guess. Sounds pretty deep and meaningful. You'll have to wait until the very end, when 

we reach that perfect climax together to get that one resolved. It'll be that one moment 

that justifies this sequel's existence as fanfiction.

         Next on Fooly Cooly: it's the finale "Fooly Consumated" Bubye!*

         _See ya later, Space Cowboy!_

*It is NOT as dirty as it sounds. (Not quite, anyway)

                        Highball from hell? Where did THAT come from?


	6. Fooly Connsumated

                                          How could a burden Pilot the ship?

                                                  Fooly Consummated

         _As the earth grows nearer through the front window of Haruko's ship, I reflect_

_on everything I have gone through in my trek through space. It has undoubtedly _

_been the greatest adventure of my life. Along the way, I have discovered whole new _

_worlds, seen the wonders of the universe, and walked in the footsteps of Arthur Dent._

_I've had my share of strange robots grow out of my head, and I've traveled_

_across the galaxy with a psychotic alien. Nothing too interesting._

_I am ready to return home now, but I have to wonder. Has anything changed in my_

_absence? Have any of my friends gone through life-altering mutations? Whatever _

_has happened, I know it will be pretty ordinary, because nothing exciting ever _

_happens in Mabase._

                                      OPENING THEME

          Naota felt refreshed, and very grown-up, as he walked through the brisk autumn 

breeze of his home planet. The familiar and ordinary sights, sounds, and smells of 

Mabase swirled around him. It was good to be home again, but he couldn't help but 

wonder.What would happen now? Would Haruko leave him again? He quickly pushed 

these uncomfortable questions out of his mind, as he walked into his favorite juice bar. 

Ninamori and her boyfriend were sitting in their usual booth by the window. The

sounds of Oliver mutilating citrus fruit drifted from the kitchen. Indeed, nothing had

changed. Naota sat down at the counter, and one of the waitresses approached him.

          "Naota! Good to see you again. What can I get for you?" She asked.

          "A pint of sour, please." said Naota.

         "Naota! It's good to see you again! I was worried sick!" Ninamori said.

         Naota was surprised to hear this; Ninamori hadn't talked to him much since they

had broken up a few months before.

          "Uh, yeah I'm fine! I just, umm" 

          "How are you! Has your case of bubonic plague cleared up?"

          "What? I was just..."

          "Yeah, and how about your massive inferiority complex? Your dad told us all

about it!" Oliver asked.

          "Did you really have the clap, Naota" Gaku asked.

          Naota sighed. He understood all to well. His dad had been making up creative

excuses for why Naota had been absent from school, and had literally disappeared from 

the face of the earth. He would have to thank him when he got home.

         "Why couldn't he have just told them I had a cold?" Naota wondered.

         His dad had been watching too much Inu-yasha.

           It was nearing evening when Naota left the Juice Bar. The shadows lengthened

as he made his way home. He stopped in front of a newspaper machine that still had 

a copy of that day's paper. It had only been six days since he had left. Naota

shook his head in amazement. 

            "How can all of that have happened in less than a week?" he thought to

himself. Then he remembered what Haruko had said before they left earth.

_Look Takkun, I could try to explain the whole "Space-time continuum thing,_

_but you don't have a brain to understand it with."_

Naota shrugged his shoulders and continued walking in silence. When he arrived 

at his front door, he saw Haruko's vespa in the driveway, and could hear sounds 

of laughter coming from the dining room.

            "I guess she decided to do some fooly coolly with my dad." He thought, and

the thinking of that thought made him nauseous. (Or so he thought) He felt relieved

                                                      That was REALLY dumb

 that Haruko hadn't left.                                                  .

When he walked in the dining room, he froze on the spot. Haruko was nowhere 

to be seen. But there was someone else who wasn't supposed to be there.   

                                           MANGA SCRIPT

Naota: Wha? Miss Soru!? (Naota's previously nameless J.H. teacher) What are you 

doing here?!

Kamon: Why are you shouting, Naota-Kun?

Naota: My TEACHER is here!!!

Kamon: Don't talk to your mother that way, young man!

Naota: WHAT!!! MY MOTHER!? HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE!?

Kamon: Oh, I guess you couldn't have known. With your fooly coolying with

Haruko-San, but your teacher and I are married!

         (Naota's teacher has a bizarrely joyous look on her face, not saying a word.)

Naota (with a huge head): Wait a minute! I've only been gone six days, and you two

didn't even know each other when I left! How can you have gotten married?

Kamon: Well, Miss Soru and I went to a reading of Furi Kuri fanfiction at

the public library. (Kamon begins to blush) And...well... heh heh!!!

M. Soru: Things just took off from there, dear. (She and Kamon break into a fit of

evil laughter).

Kamon: All fooly coolly! Fooly disrobed! Fooly Coolly in the road!! FOOLY COOLY  
  
EVERYWHERE!!! (Begins prancing around naked)

Naota (disgustedly): Where's grandpa?

Kamon: Who? Oh, grandpa is away on his honeymoon.

Naota: WHAT?

Kamon: He married the nameless grandma type person from episode three of the 

anime.

M. Soru: She was also a recurring character in the Manga!

Naota (distraught): How can this be? I've been gone less than a week! 

Mamimi: It was bound to happen, Naota. Everything gets married!!! Kamon, Miss Soru,

The Ramones, Jeffery Moru (whoever he is) Animals, Manimal, and Tigger too! 

                                  (Naota looks VERY confused)

Naota: Ugggh!! My head!

Mamimi: And now that P.A.U.L is defeated, I can marry your brother, chief!

Naota: Well, congratulations Mamimi!!

         (Haruko walks in. She is dressed in her usual clothes, with a Paul Reed Smith 

Bass slung over her shoulder. She has a delighted smile on her face, and googly eyes

as she looks at Naota). 5 frames. Music gets to be more haunting and ominous.

(Naota grows more disturbed and afraid with each frame. Begins sweating). 

Soon, he will have a good reason to be terrified.

                                             END MANGA SCRIPT

        "And I shall wed dear Takkun!!!!" Haruko said proudly and intently. 

Naota stood still. The hair on the back of his neck stood on end. He contemplated

with horror, the thought of marrying Haruko. At that moment, Naota was locked in a

death grip again, and he struggled uselessly to free himself.

         "Naota-Kun! I congratulate you! May your marriage be happy and joyful,

musseltov!!" Kamon said.

           "I'll NEVER marry you, you psycho!!!"

           "You know you want me, baby!"

           "But you KILLED ME!!! REMEMBER?!"

           "You were killed once, by a woman" Mamimi said.

           "I can't get married, I'm only fifteen!"

           "The main character has to get married, Naota-Kun" Kamon reminded him.

            Haruko tightened her grip around Naota's neck, nearly choking him in the

process.   
  


           "You're the first one I saw, Takkun, that's the way it has to be!"

           "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Don't touch me like that!!!"

           "It will be wonderful Naota!! I can almost hear the wedding bells!"

Mamimi said joyously.

           Haruko chimed in.

           "Wedding Bells! Shotgun Shells! Joy, Anticipation!

You DO dear?! I do you, dear! And THAT'S THE CONNSUMATION!!!"

She said, as she body slammed Naota to the floor. 

                            (No, you really didn't see that. Read on.)

           Naota got up in a blind panic, and raced out the front door. He hadn't gotten

very far when he heard Haruko's vespa start up. He couldn't run any farther, and fell

in an exhausted heap. Everything went black after that, as Haruko clobbered him with her

guitar. 

        When Naota awoke, he was lying on the couch in the living room. It was dark

outside, and he could tell it was after midnight.

Naota got up off the couch and slowly walked toward the kitchen. As he passed

by the counter, he heard his father's voice.

            "Naota-Kun, we need to talk."

            "About what" asked Naota.

            "About Haruko-San, you're against marrying her, aren't you?"

            "Dad, I'm only 15, how can I get married?"

            "You're the main character, Naota. With that power comes great 

responsibility. Remember that 'Parker' fellow?"

            "But dad, she's an alien! I can't marry an alien!" 

            Kamon looked at his son. He could sense the apprehension in his heart and mind.

He got up from his chair, and put his arm around Naota's shoulder, and gave him some

fatherly wisdom. 

            "It's nothing to be ashamed of Naota-Kun. People marry aliens all the time! That

way the alien can stay in the country and fooly cooly legally, and they don't have to return

to the decadent, backward, rat-infested countries they came from."

          "Uh, Dad" Naota said hesitantly "that's not quite the same thing."

          Haruko was singing up in Naota's room, apparently songs about love and

marriage. But mostly things related to love and marriage. The haunting melodies sent 

chills down Naota's spine. He returned to the couch and trembled fearfully the rest of the 

night.

                     MEANWHILE, IN A TOP SECRET COMPOUND

                                           OUTSIDE MABASE.

          Amarao was watching these latest developments with growing anxiety.

His giant eyebrows heaved up and down uncontrollably. He grumbled un-intelligibly

as he polished off a Hostess snowball, and a glass of sugar water.

           "Commander Amarao, would Raharu really marry that kid?"

Kitsarubami asked.

            "This cannot happen!! Raharu is mine I tell you!!"

             "Um, commander..."

             "I'll have to save her from his evil charms!" Amarao said intently.

             "But commander, I thought..."

             "Don't worry!! I'm coming Raharu!! That's why you had me Raharu! To save

you!!" 

             Kitsurburami was shocked.

            "Commander, do you mean to say that Raharu is... your mother?"   

            "No she isn't, she's a hussy!"  Amarao's real mother said.

            "We have to stop this wedding!" Amarao said.  

            "How can we do that, commander? We need a plan!"

            "Are you saying we need a plan?"

            "YES!! THAT'S WHAT I SAID, YOU IDIOT!!!!" 

            "We'll need to use a plan, then" Amarao said.

            "What plan shall we use, commander?"

            "Plan number eleven, minus two" Amarao said with utmost conviction.

             The base fell silent as one of his eyebrows came loose, and fell to the floor.

          Plan eleven minus two went something like this. The immigration service would

launch a force to destroy the Alien insurgent (Haruko). A huge battle would occur.

It would be very repetitive and anti-climactic.

                                                 Not much of a plan.

          Naota was startled by the sound of Haruko's vespa crashing through their

front door.

          "C'mon Takkun, we have to go!"

          "What? But We just got back from outer space!"

          "It's time for an anticlimactic battle!"

          Naota climbed onto the back of Haruko's Vespa, and they sped away to the

bridge. As it grew near, they saw a large force of M.M. robots on the other side, and

Amarao stood in the middle of the bridge.

          Amarao and Haruko stood facing off with each other, this was the decisive

moment in their ongoing battle.

           "I will stop you Rahau!" Amarao said confidently.

           "You won't stop me, fuzz-brain!" Haruko/Raharu retorted.

           "Yes I WILL STOP YOU!! And I'll free that kid from your influence

forever!"

            Haruko was angered beyond the point of no return by this statement.

            "You'll never take Takkun away!! He's MINE!! MINE!!!

 But what would you do to him if you succeeded? YOU'D FIX UP HIS BRAIN!! 

YOU BUSHY BROWED BABBOON!!"

            Naota suddenly realized something, as he stood there watching Haruko.

His whole life had been building to this moment. He knew in his heart, what he wanted.

The Alien of his dreams was his for the taking. He knew he loved Haruko, and wanted 

to marry her and be by her side forever. She was his sun, and moonlit sky. He wanted

to do more things with Haruko than there were words for. (Why he chose this moment to 

come to that realization is beyond me)

          "Yes, Haruko" Naota said "I will marry you!"

           Amarao ordered his army of M.M robots to attack, and the huge,

anti-climactic battle began.          

           There's not much to tell about the huge battle, (as it was rather anti-climactic, and 

repetitive). A whole bunch of Anime characters sprang out of Naota's head. And after 

they destroyed Medical Meccanica, they settled their own disputes. Naraku killed

Knives with his poison insects, but then died when Hamtaro bit his jugular

vein. A stupid kid, from some weird series about a fast porcupine-type thing appeared, 

did something pointless, then was killed when a giant robot stomped him. An all-female 

police force from Tokyo wandered the streets of Mabase, but no one needed them. 

Oliver, who worked at the juice bar, was the true hero. Why? Nobody knows.

            Haruko stood defiantly on the bridge, looking down on a sobbing Amarao.

His eyebrows were nowhere to be seen.

            "You know I love you, Raharu" He said sobbing.

            "Hey, I don't love you." Haruko responded coldly. 

             "Yeah, I know it's true, I wanted to be with you Raharu. When will I find

true love?" he asked no one in particular.

             "There ain't no such animal" Mamimi said flatly.

             "I'll be the best man, when she marries my best friend" Amarao said to himself

dejectedly.

             Naota blushed and stammered. 

             "Gee, thanks!!" He was flattered that Amarao considered him his best

friend.

             Haruko and Naota were married a few days after the battle. It was a 

lovely wedding. There, in the sight of God and the witnesses, they did. And there,

also in the sight of God and the witnesses, they slappetted lubbernoffie. The witnesses

were shocked, as such things are usually saved for the privacy of the wedding night.

(You kind of had to be there).

Canti married X-004 immediately after Naota's wedding. X-004 then gave birth to a

fax machine.

            CONSUMATION

                                        Bringing things to completion.__

_           It was all nearly perfect now. Haruko and I would be with each _

_other for the rest of our lives. We would never be separated again._

_As we stood there, looking into each other's eyes, I wished this moment _

_could last forever. But it wasn't perfect just yet. There was one _

_thing left._

           Haruko looked deeply into Naota's eyes. They were both silent, as there was

nothing that needed to be said now. Naota leaned forward, into Haruko's soft, warm

embrace. Haruko laid her head on his shoulder, and pulled him closer.

           "Takkun, are you ready? There's one thing left to do."

           "With all my heart, Haruko."

           "Then be still and relax".

            Naota closed his eyes, expecting to feel Haruko's warm moist lips press 

against his. Suddenly, Naota received a crushing blow to his head, and felt himself

slam against the wall nearby. When he came to his senses, he looked quite bewildered,

like someone who had been awakened from a deep sleep by a splash of ice cold

water. Haruko stood over him, Paul Reed Smith in hand, with an evil grin on her face.

             "What's wrong, sweet Takkun? You look like you've been hit with a fish."

             Naota looked up, his eyes conveying his shock.

            "Of course I do, dear Haruko. You just slapped me with a bass!"

                                    (A pun that could only work in print.)*

                                                     SAYONARA!!

                                                  ENDING THEME

                                                     I am one sick puppy


End file.
